Sunday, June 21, 2015

Dear Nicodemus Sarira

When I was 5 years old my dad took me to school, my very first day in school on the first grade in primary school. He held my hand climb every ladder of stairway headed up to school building while asked myself , “how can I through this day ?” and “will my dad be by my side while I sit in the class?”. I was told to wait my dad in the door, my dad went to headmaster office to meet for a couple conversations about of course “me” and school stuffs. I looked around and caught some eyes cynically pointed on me, the students (senior one) cleaned up the school garden, messed with the other kids while collecting the dry grass from the ground (they were on cleaning project lol). I stood there figured soon as possible I would catch up with those guys and play with them but one girl that I’ve always remember was my senior who staring on me, I think her name was Sita or anything (I don’t bother, this was a girl who mocking on me when I ended up badly reading such a creepy in front of the crowds, that was so embarrassing). Where were we??my dad finally returned from office headed up toward me told me to stay at school “ I’m leaving sweetheart, look around you, go find folks to play with and take care” dad smiling and walk away. I paid attention at him walk through the corridor and approach his motorcycle in a grey t-shirt, he was dressed nice J. then I’m alone at school I mean I got no friend to talk with and that’s all I remember. A brief story lingers deep down recalling face of my dad and my very first day at school as well.

According to father’s day pointing on June 21th  I’m writing this paragraph especially for Nicodemus Sarira, my hero and my power when I’m weak. One thing I realized about My dad took me to school at the first day for a reason and the reason is once when he’s leaving “away from this world” and never come back that’s mean i’m the one who gotta drive myself to school just like he did no matter how the circumstance takes up and no matter how the hardship tears apart the only power left inside you, you have to walk to school and wish on the way school you’ll see your dad come along and walk next to you. He wanted me to struggle even though he had disappeared to another world, safe and sound place over nowhere, he wanted me to take my siblings to school, let them attend school, fighting till the bitter end for a better future, it’s never too late to try again and make things better J Wherever you go don’t forget about us dad, your family in the earth missing you always J
It’s been a long day without daddy, I was rainy cold day when the last time I saw his smile, he was sitting on the old chair squinting and  frowning figured about something spragged in his head, maybe it was agony that became bigger and bigger as the diseases gnawed his body and put his spirit tramped by the misgiving with fears . Severe life involved him for all the suffers that he couldn’t bear anymore, hoping that he could flinch back and pretend that everything just fine. He wanted to see home once again, one more attempt to see the place where he’d derived. He dripped a sorrow on every single glance he took, he Stared on me with a thousand questions “how your life would be without me?, will you cry when you see no more way out of your problem? Who will help you with math? Who will hold your hand when you’re falling?”, “will you stick with decent life when I’m gone?, with whom you’ll sing a Bon Jovi’s song? I’ve hearty understood all those questions. A brave man who was striving to propped our life even though in hard circumstance were falling around. The pain and anxiety to face day by day Covered with tiny little smile that lingers and sticks with me deep down.

Eventually he left, I saw him frozen on the white scary bed with the pains cloaked inside of him. Wondering if that was just another trick while waited him to wake up and call me up. Where did his soul flies away escape from the immense chaos, He has gone, soaring into the blue sky away from here headed up to Elysium. He stepped out of the cruel world and picked his happiness. Don’t worry dad, I promise we’ll be ok over here and you’ll always be my hero and the venerable father for me. You always here J

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